Deep Cleaned.

I deep cleaned my fridge the other night.


It was 10:30 pm and it started with wanting to clear out the leftover foods. Then I realized the entire fridge wasn’t organized. There was no rhyme or reason to the items in there. I started organizing it in a way that “makes sense”.

Then I noticed a spot… 😮

It was a stain from some leftover chicken pot pie. I grabbed the sponge and wiped it away. Then my mind said, “Better check if there are any more spots”. So I did. I decided to empty all the drawers and pull them out to clean.

Who would’ve thought that almost every single part of the refrigerator comes out?

I begin to take out the items from our refrigerator and get rid of the items that are expired. Are we the only ones who have expired dressings and what not taking up space in the fridge?


As I’m cleaning the drawers and letting them soak in soapy water I went back to scrubbing the inside surfaces of the fridge. There’s one stain that just won’t come off completely. I’m getting frustrated and then I remember we have a degreaser! I go get it and as I’m about to spray; I stop momentarily and think,

“Why are you doing this at this time? Why are you feeling like this? Why are you so worked up over this fridge?”


I decided to stop and recognize what can possibly be causing me anxiety. Is it because I haven’t spoken to a few family members in while? Is it the pandemic? Is it the ignorant nonsense of comments on social media in opposing the black lives matter movement? Maybe it’s a mix of all three.


Now that I recognized what I’m feeling, what am I going to do about it? BREATHE. Set limits. Rinse out the drawers, wipe the surfaces, and leave it alone.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FREEZER AND DOOR?! 😮

There was an intense fight between wanting to keep going and stopping. SO many what-ifs in my mind. Going back and forth with, “Well, might as well finish what you started. It’s late at night and you’re making noise while people are trying to sleep.” I kept thinking, “Damn, why can’t you feel this motivated during the daytime hours?” Then I took a breath and I said, “You can finish the rest tomorrow.” I was able to not “let it win”. I was able to set limits and breathe.

I finished around 11:30 pm. I felt angry that I couldn’t just stop when I wiped that first stain. I felt like I “fell“. But I didn’t. I’m only human. We all decide to do whatever makes us feel best whenever we are feeling anxious. I was able to recognize how I was feeling and was able to decide what to do about it. I mean… I did stop myself from deep cleaning the entire kitchen…


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