It’s been a while since I last posted here. I think about my blog quite often. I kept telling myself, “Tomorrow I’ll post.” Well, tomorrow is finally here. I decided to share a writing I wrote back on October 20. 2020. It was a night where I just took a pen and paper and wrote until I felt better. I usually edit and add or omit a lot of things from my writings but I figured I will just share it in its natural habitat LOL!
10/20 This past week I’ve been feeling so much. I’ve been in a battle with myself. There are many parts within ourselves and I’ve been working on recognizing and honoring my parts. Depression and anxiety are parts of me. I’ve worked so hard to come to terms that they just show up at random and inconvenient times. That was this past week.
Maybe not so random, if I’m honest 2020 and regular life events are happening which has caused my anxiety to have a reserved seat at the table. Depression has been lurking behind a glass window waiting for their time to join the party. Then my adult rational self is trying to make them believe that they’re welcomed or needed. It literally feels like a battle.
Anxiety is saying, “This is it. This is when everything falls apart. All our fears are going to be a reality any second now!”
Depression responds, “It’s true. You’re not doing anything right. You’re worthless. Let’s just disappear and stop bothering everyone.”
My younger self feeds into this and with its low esteem, non-confident self says, “I knew it. No one likes you. You’re annoying and everyone knows it.”
Then my adult rational self is saying, “Everyone needs to calm down! We can’t let our mind make truths out of lies. You are worthy. You are loved. You are wanted. Things are scary and there are many unknowns but I am in control and you are not alone! You are not a young child with no direction. You have a destination!”
OCD Ramblings 